I was foolish. I stayed up day and night talking with you. ripping parts of my broken soul and giving them to you. hoping you could fix all these broken pieces of my heart, and replacing them with something new and true. you fed me fake promises very day. and I believed them. every day you told me the same lie. that you love me. I should have known you were a fake. like everyone else. you promised you’d fight with me, through thick and thin. you told me I am the only one. the only one you truly loved. but you lied. you left. and I wish I never met you. because you broke me. we don’t talk anymore but every day I think of you. all the time. I wish I could erase your memory. because you’re the worst thought I have. I wish all the bad never happened and we were still together. even though you’re far too toxic for me. when you’re not, you’re so perfect. even though you’re fucked up and we are not right for each other. I miss you. but I fucking hate your guts. I wish you would move away. and leave my mind alone. I morn you like you were dead. because you basically are. every time I see you I tense up and feel sick. I can’t handle that anymore. everything floods back when I see you. every laugh. every kiss. every hug. every time we were together. and all those lies and fake fucking promises. you are the worst part of me. the worst fucking part. you are the fucking reason I can’t sleep. or eat. or function. you are fucking horrible. and I hate you. you should have stayed away from me. no matter how much you wanted to talk to me. you should have never kissed me that day. you should have never told me to text you. you should have never laid an eye for me. and I should have never responded to you. you fucking slut. I hate you. I hate everything about you. why am I still so fucking attached to you? why am I dying for your touch? why am I dying to hug you again? I want you back so bad. but I know it will never work. no matter how badly we want it to. it will never work out. I should have known it was a lie. I should have known it was all fake. I should have known.

i look at my hand, seeing it slowly melt into my wrist.

i look at the walls, seeing them spin and twist around.

i look at the tv, seeing all the people on it mushed together.

i then look at whats causing all of this.

the colored tablets on my table.

the way they pop out in color, and dance on the table.

the LSD i took three hours earlier.

my bad mood is gone.

my life seems good.

and yet you’re still there in my brain.

you gave me these sheets of magic.

you told me to take them and forget you.

to forget us.

but i’m so far gone i don’t care.

i look back up, seeing the walls melting away.

and i’m lifted up into a magical universe.

drifting through time and space.

watching as stars rush past me.

watching all the planets get smaller.

i’m in a world of wonder.

i am in pure bliss.

i’ve forgotten about you.

but you brought me back to earth with a phone call.

looking at the screen.

watching the letters of your name fall of the screen and run away.

i place my phone on the floating couch and lay on the floor.

i wish i could stay like this forever.

bloody walls.

bloody floor.

bloody hands.

bloody clothes.

your body is sitting in front of me.

like a pile of mush.

shit.

this is your fault.

you broke my heart.

i didnt want to.

look where youve lead me.

look what happened to you.

if only you would have shut your fucking mouth.

then youd be alive.

with your friends.

your fucking dnd.

your weed.

your stupid vape.

your toxic living life.

if only you kept me out of it.

then youd be alive.

you should have never laid an eye on me.

but i dont regret it.

you look so perfect dead.

dismembered.

pale.

bloody.

you fucking idiot.

the beginning and the end.

my love has no limits when im with you.

though its not romantic,

its endless love.

id spend my life with you.

fuck having a husband.

or kids.

or a family.

i will spend the rest of my life with you.

until the end.

but the end is never truly the end of something.

because my love…

our love….

is endless.

you smile.

your eyes.

your lips.

all things that have attached me to you.

all things i hate about you.

i crave those lips.

i crave that touch.

i crave your affection.

approval.

admiration.

respect.

but i wish you were gone.

i wish i never met you.

your a poison and a drug.

so leave me alone.

because i hate you.

but i love you.