lies

I was foolish. I stayed up day and night talking with you. ripping parts of my broken soul and giving them to you. hoping you could fix all these broken pieces of my heart, and replacing them with something new and true. you fed me fake promises very day. and I believed them. every day you told me the same lie. that you love me. I should have known you were a fake. like everyone else. you promised you’d fight with me, through thick and thin. you told me I am the only one. the only one you truly loved. but you lied. you left. and I wish I never met you. because you broke me. we don’t talk anymore but every day I think of you. all the time. I wish I could erase your memory. because you’re the worst thought I have. I wish all the bad never happened and we were still together. even though you’re far too toxic for me. when you’re not, you’re so perfect. even though you’re fucked up and we are not right for each other. I miss you. but I fucking hate your guts. I wish you would move away. and leave my mind alone. I morn you like you were dead. because you basically are. every time I see you I tense up and feel sick. I can’t handle that anymore. everything floods back when I see you. every laugh. every kiss. every hug. every time we were together. and all those lies and fake fucking promises. you are the worst part of me. the worst fucking part. you are the fucking reason I can’t sleep. or eat. or function. you are fucking horrible. and I hate you. you should have stayed away from me. no matter how much you wanted to talk to me. you should have never kissed me that day. you should have never told me to text you. you should have never laid an eye for me. and I should have never responded to you. you fucking slut. I hate you. I hate everything about you. why am I still so fucking attached to you? why am I dying for your touch? why am I dying to hug you again? I want you back so bad. but I know it will never work. no matter how badly we want it to. it will never work out. I should have known it was a lie. I should have known it was all fake. I should have known.